I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm too high and old for this...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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