Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
