One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
