That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
