woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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