He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
