farters have to be the big spoon...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
