singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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