My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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