Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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