just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
