Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
