paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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