Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
