I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
