that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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