I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
