i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
