what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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