WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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