i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
