Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
