I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
