Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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