no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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