There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
