In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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