dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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