you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We got so high we made milksteak
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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