he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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