i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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