I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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