Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
