i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
