I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
