if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
