i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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