So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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