Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
