In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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