OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
