I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
