Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
