this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
