Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
