It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
