i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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