the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
