i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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