This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
