We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
