I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
