Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
