my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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