I've blown a few things in my day
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
